Riven Hearts (aka "Why I Write and Why I Fight")

current photo courtesy of chrisseserville

I'm in the film union
IATSE Local 52
As a film lighting technician
I've been told on many occasions
To work slower
I was making others look bad.
I have been taught the tricks of the trade
How you game the system
To cash in and slice away some of the fat.
Order equipment you sell back to the company.
Slow the lift-gate to get that 15 minutes of overtime.
Courts might call that stealing.
And they would be right.
Those are the rules of the game after all.
But I have also dealt with producers
Lambasting crew members for sitting down
On the job.
The client was watching.
It might look bad.
God help the electrician
Catching a half hour nap under the truck
On a 100 degree cloudless day
Because he came straight from the last job
With no sleep.
Because you don't say 'No"
You might not get hired again.

I said "no" a couple times
A little too loudly
Guess it made me mad
That unpaid electrician waking up at 3am to catch
A train to an isolated Long Island train station
The producers "forgot" to pick up.
Guess it made me mad
Having shit bubble up the drain in the shower
Of the rooms they gave us
And we were told we'd made the choice.
After all
We were offered a ride back to the City each night.
Eight hours between call times
Three hours home and three hours back
And the Assistant Camera Man
With a child at home to support
Who said he was mad as hell
Cowered in fear when the time came
To say "Yes" or "No" to the face of the Producer
When I spoke for the crew
At the request of the crew.

I understood
But wished they had not said they would
If they wouldn't.

My girlfriend in Prague
Cooked for the producer
Of a major Hollywood film
She was well liked and would take the limo
To go shopping.
On set the Director said "Gum"
To the vending machine behind him
That just happened, well...
To be breathing.
And there it was
Right in his hand.
When he reached back
Over his shoulder
There it was
Because time is money.
So...
That's okay.
He slid that gum into his mouth
Without a second thought.
And we paid a month's rent with the exercise bicycle
The producer left behind.
Don't remember if that was before or after
She and the star
Torpedoed the entire nascent Czech film industry
For more than a year
By calling the Czechs liars and cheats
Over a misplaced zero that may
Or may not
Have been on purpose.

And because I say
"I don't care if that's the way the world works
That doesn't make it right."
I have been called "sick"
I have been called "irresponsible"
I have been called "self-righteous" by friend and foe alike
Know I see these things
Know I have seen them for years
Know I have been looked upon with disgust
Because I had dirt beneath my fingernails
And did nothing
But feel shame.
Know I wanted to be a lawyer once
But rejected it because the second you sign your name
On the application
You are already complicit
Usually
Because they make you lie "No, I never inhaled"
And then they make you swear to tell the truth.
But
Those are the rules of the game after all.
Those are the rules that game the system to fail.

Know that I am the child of a Professor of Economics
The grandson of another Professor of Economics.
Know that I know how to play the game.
And know that I failed
Because I rejected the game all together
I tuned out for a long time
Then I gave up for a long time
And then I gave up for a long time
And woe is me'ed the world
And in so doing ceded power to those who will take it.
Because someone always will if we don't.

Let me repeat...
Because someone always will if we don't.

Know these things and you will know why I write
You will know why I fight.
Because
I KNOW
We can do better than that.
If we believe
And if we do it together.
All of us.
The Fallen and the Forgiven
The Lawyer and the Ditch Digger
The Boho and the Soho
Atheists and Christians and Jews and Muslims
Red and Blue
Purple and White
Yellow and Black
The fight is not with each other
But in our riven hearts.
Those riven hearts
We can't bear to look inside.

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If this means anything to you, send this to your friends everywhere. But more importantly, send it to your "enemies." We have got to find a way to start communicating. People are dying and we, not Bush, are ALL responsible. He is nothing but a reflection of our entire Nation; our nation that re-elected a likeable, well-meaning, but entirely ineffective national "CEO" rather than look our failures squarely in the eye and accept responsibility. Accept it. Deal with it. These are the cards we have dealt ourselves and now it's time to deal ourselves a better hand.

If you think I'm full of it, then don't be cowards. At least tell me why.

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